Podcast | Milo
Why on earth did we leave Moose to organise this dinner? He's a Moose for crying out loud he can’t use a phone without crushing it to wires and circuitry with his massive animal hooves! Now I've got the awkward-as-fuck task of whittling my list of invitees down before we all meet up. There are so many people who I would like to have a dinner with, both alive and long since departed, but sadly there is not enough room for all of them. This is a list of the people I probably won’t be able to mention on the podcast, and at least I can start to think about how I can tell them that they’re no longer invited…
Killer
Mike
Who: Current day rapper from the
American south
What he'd
bring to the party:
Everything from deep and profound thoughts on the world we live in, to light
hearted jibes and hilarious one liners. His father was a police office, and he
has worked with the comedy channel Adult Swim. He has also been interviewed by
major news networks for his thoughts on police brutality.
Why he’s
not getting an invite: Whilst Killer Mike is an amazing talent and would offer plenty to a
dinner party, he also has a family, owns a barbershop and is constantly on
tour. He’s so busy I’d feel like he was constantly watching the clock.
One link
introduction: Untitled
The
awkward “rain check”: “Hey
Mike, we are going to have to reschedule because you know I wouldn’t want to
invite just you and leave El-P out of the loop. You understand right?”
Socrates
Who: Ancient Greek philosopher widely
considered to be the father of Western philosophy
What he’d
bring to the party: I could
just say that last line again couldn't I? More specifically Socrates would
offer perspective, as he was a master of the elenchus method of debate (wherein
you answers questions with more questions in order to guide the other person to
your point). Anything and everything would become more interesting...as long as
he wasn't questioning you.
Why he’s
not getting an invite: Let’s be honest, there is such a thing as being “too clever” and
Socrates is the definition of “too clever”. It would be impossible to keep up
with him, and as the drinks started to flow someone would end up getting
punched...
One link
introduction: Meno
The
awkward “rain check”: “Hi
Socrates, I’m having a problem because I am going to have no choice but to
disappoint a number of people in the near future; what is the nicest way of doing
this?” [Then press play on tape with a
number of “Yes” and “No” pre-recorded responses, before walking away very
quickly]
Jarboe
Who: Genre spanning singer
songwriter, who was also a key member of transgressive rock/industrial group
Swans.
What
she’d bring to the party: I’d imagine a lot of beautifully told and interesting stories. Her
lyrics are poetic and disturbing in turn and it’d be nice to think that that
form of communication would be present in her everyday speech. It’s one thing
to have something interesting to say, it’s another thing to be fully expressive
in a captivating way.
Why she’s
not getting an invite: Whilst I’d love to have a conversation with Jarboe, I’m not sure her
brand of transgressive-spiritualism is the most fitting subject matter when you
look at the other guests who’ll be coming. Maybe if this was a brunch or
something?
One link
introduction: Ascend
The
awkward “rain check”: Would probably send a text trying to rebook
and then would go MIA for a few days, only to blame it on a bad internet
connection. Fingers crossed, she would be too involved in her projects to
notice…
Akira
Toriyama
Who: Mangaka (cartoonist) responsible
for creating the Dragonball series and the artwork for the Dragon Quest video
game series (one of the bestselling video game franchises in Japan).
What he’d
bring to the party: A
carefree attitude and a down to earth sense of humour. Moreover he created an
anime and manga (Dragonball Z) which has influenced entire generations across
the world, and he has done so whilst maintaining a relaxed and humble attitude
towards life. No joke would be too immature.
Why he’s
not getting an invite: Akira Toriyama is a combination of Killer Mike and Socrates, on the one
hand he’s a family man and so probably wouldn’t be available for the whole
night. On the other he’s probably “too childish” in much the same way as
Socrates is “too clever”. What I am saying is I don’t want to hear fart jokes
whilst I’m trying to eat my dinner.
One link
introduction: Dragon Ball: The Complete
Illustrations
The awkward
“rain check”: “Oh
that’s a shame that you won’t be able to make it Akira, oh what sorry I can’t
hear you I know the connection is awful. Send my best to the family” [Abruptly hang up the phone]
Whew that was sufficiently akward. Hopefully they don't take it too hard! Let me know what you think of my list so far and, in any case, I'll probably do a follow up list of the other near misses after we've released the next episode.
Comment down below or @PatientApproach
Comment down below or @PatientApproach
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