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Monday, 2 November 2015

The Dinner Party: Milo's Uninvited Guests

Podcast | Milo

Why on earth did we leave Moose to organise this dinner? He's a Moose for crying out loud he can’t use a phone without crushing it to wires and circuitry with his massive animal hooves! Now I've got the awkward-as-fuck task of whittling my list of invitees down before we all meet up. There are so many people who I would like to have a dinner with, both alive and long since departed, but sadly there is not enough room for all of them. This is a list of the people I probably won’t be able to mention on the podcast, and at least I can start to think about how I can tell them that they’re no longer invited…  

Killer Mike 
Who: Current day rapper from the American south
What he'd bring to the party: Everything from deep and profound thoughts on the world we live in, to light hearted jibes and hilarious one liners. His father was a police office, and he has worked with the comedy channel Adult Swim. He has also been interviewed by major news networks for his thoughts on police brutality. 
Why he’s not getting an invite: Whilst Killer Mike is an amazing talent and would offer plenty to a dinner party, he also has a family, owns a barbershop and is constantly on tour. He’s so busy I’d feel like he was constantly watching the clock.
One link introduction: Untitled
The awkward “rain check”: “Hey Mike, we are going to have to reschedule because you know I wouldn’t want to invite just you and leave El-P out of the loop. You understand right?”

Who: Ancient Greek philosopher widely considered to be the father of Western philosophy
What he’d bring to the party: I could just say that last line again couldn't I? More specifically Socrates would offer perspective, as he was a master of the elenchus method of debate (wherein you answers questions with more questions in order to guide the other person to your point). Anything and everything would become more long as he wasn't questioning you.
Why he’s not getting an invite: Let’s be honest, there is such a thing as being “too clever” and Socrates is the definition of “too clever”. It would be impossible to keep up with him, and as the drinks started to flow someone would end up getting punched... 
One link introduction: Meno
The awkward “rain check”: “Hi Socrates, I’m having a problem because I am going to have no choice but to disappoint a number of people in the near future; what is the nicest way of doing this?” [Then press play on tape with a number of “Yes” and “No” pre-recorded responses, before walking away very quickly]

Who: Genre spanning singer songwriter, who was also a key member of transgressive rock/industrial group Swans.
What she’d bring to the party: I’d imagine a lot of beautifully told and interesting stories. Her lyrics are poetic and disturbing in turn and it’d be nice to think that that form of communication would be present in her everyday speech. It’s one thing to have something interesting to say, it’s another thing to be fully expressive in a captivating way.
Why she’s not getting an invite: Whilst I’d love to have a conversation with Jarboe, I’m not sure her brand of transgressive-spiritualism is the most fitting subject matter when you look at the other guests who’ll be coming. Maybe if this was a brunch or something?
One link introduction:  Ascend 
The awkward “rain check”: Would probably send a text trying to rebook and then would go MIA for a few days, only to blame it on a bad internet connection. Fingers crossed, she would be too involved in her projects to notice…

Akira Toriyama
Who: Mangaka (cartoonist) responsible for creating the Dragonball series and the artwork for the Dragon Quest video game series (one of the bestselling video game franchises in Japan).
What he’d bring to the party: A carefree attitude and a down to earth sense of humour. Moreover he created an anime and manga (Dragonball Z) which has influenced entire generations across the world, and he has done so whilst maintaining a relaxed and humble attitude towards life. No joke would be too immature.
Why he’s not getting an invite: Akira Toriyama is a combination of Killer Mike and Socrates, on the one hand he’s a family man and so probably wouldn’t be available for the whole night. On the other he’s probably “too childish” in much the same way as Socrates is “too clever”. What I am saying is I don’t want to hear fart jokes whilst I’m trying to eat my dinner.
The awkward “rain check”: “Oh that’s a shame that you won’t be able to make it Akira, oh what sorry I can’t hear you I know the connection is awful. Send my best to the family” [Abruptly hang up the phone]

Whew that was sufficiently akward. Hopefully they don't take it too hard! Let me know what you think of my list so far and, in any case, I'll probably do a follow up list of the other near misses after we've released the next episode. 

Comment down below or @PatientApproach 

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