Describing Women Pt. 2

Writing Exercises | Moose

Moose here again, continuing my task of describing women. As ever, I would love some feedback on my writing below.

I know the train and work seems to be a common theme, but I am planning to sit in a coffee shop, a library and other places this weekend to observe, and try to describe, women from all fashions of life.

Covering her shoulders with her white and black shawl that helped her to stay warm in a cold office setting, she sat staring at the computer screen in front of her. Her long black hair was tucked behind her petite ears where it proceeded to flow over her covered shoulders. She maintained her focus whilst making her way through the multitude of emails that had been left following her meeting, only moving her head slightly to scan the large screen, and mouthing the words of each email she read. Her lightly tanned skin, still full of colour despite being in the cold depths of winter, gave her cheeks some life, which was only aided by the light red blusher that she wore. Surrounding her eyes was a dark eyeliner which highlighted the allure of her blue eyes, even more striking among her dark red, seductive lips. Though she maintained her reticence, one could tell that there was something within her personality that was genuinely worth getting to know, and it was a part of her that she had struggled to share with the world: a tall woman, she was close to six feet without heels, the voice of the bullies from her younger years kept her true self hidden. The hard working woman, only months above the age of thirty, continued to stare at the screen as she began to chew on the gum that she grabbed from her desk, and it was clear that, with her mind focused on work, she could relax and simply let the events of the working day take over.

This is a woman that I see at work every single day, and I have come to know that she is quiet, but that there is something within her that wants to show her true personality. This task helped me to realise that sometimes it is good to describe people that you know, though imperative that you do not make generalisations that may prevent the reader from picturing them in their head. Though I described this woman from a side on view, I would like to put more effort into analysing the face. 

A thin, dainty figure, the woman, with thick ginger hair that flowed down her shoulders from a fringe on the front of her face, was sat up as close to the train's window as possible; this made the journey very comfortable for the young blonde woman sitting next to her. Wearing square, thick-rimmed glasses which barely managed to stay on her tiny nose (though distinctly proportionate to the rest of her face), her focus was on the conversation that she was having with the woman sitting opposite her. One suspects that she did not have much interest in the musings of the other woman, who continued to talk about the difficulties in her life, because her only contributions to the conversation were just confirmations of the other voice. It was a very matter-of-fact conversation, based solely on the life of the other woman, and the only joy to the conversation was from this ginger haired woman who laughed at her own comments by opening her mouth as she tilted her head back, and forcing out a short, difficult breath of air, as though she had been a smoker for years. When she did speak, though, she only moved her jaw and let the emanating sounds from her throat do the work, which meant that her speech always seemed to mumble and her vowels extended far beyond regular speech, and, in fact, almost made her seem uneducated. She wore a long black coat which covered her well, but only emphasised how small she really was, no less for the fact that her tiny hands poked out of the sleeves of the coat, with a tiny, though expensive, wedding ring on one of her fingers.

Looking back on this, I would have liked to describe her age a little bit more. I would have liked to describe the way she talked a little bit more, but let me know what you think of the way I did end up describing it. 

Her blonde hair was an almost golden colour which perfectly matched her pleasant blue eyes. It is disappointing to see that this woman has spent all of her time staring at her phone, with only a few occasional glances around at the rest of the train, because her eyes deserved to be shared more with the world, and not hidden beneath her thick eyebrows. She was fixated on the large screen of her phone which was layered by a golden protective case. Showing increased discomfort on her face, by creasing up her eyes, forehead and the area around her nose, she reached down to itch a part of her leg hidden by the dark blue jeans she was wearing. It was hard to guess her age because she had passed the desirable beauty of her younger self, but did not yet have the wrinkles of an older woman. As the train approached her stop, she stood up to reveal herself as a very short woman, and, judging by her forward leaning posture and the dissatisfied look on her face, she was not a very comfortable person.

I tried to describe her actions more in this description. 

Her skin was a dark sandy colour, the sign of someone who had not cared for herself properly, which, judging by her age, was the result of having spent too much time in the sun during her youth.

A very short description, I only saw this woman as I approached my final stop. I would like to have had more time describing her, as she had a very complex look to her.