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Monday, 9 November 2015

The Dinner Party: Oggy's Chosen Six

Podcast | Oggy

It is with disappointment that I was unable to attend this week's edition of The Patient Approach, due to a nasty cold that has left me incapacitated (funny word isn't it? makes you think of those talking heads in futurama). Below are the six people who I would have invited to the dinner party.

Skanderbeg - Albania's national hero and a strategic military genius. He rejected a top position in the Ottoman ranks to liberate his supressed Albanian countrymen. And despite destroying Ottoman opposition for 25 years, in the end he was biten by a mosquito and died of malaria. Such is life.

Ghengis Khan - One of the most powerful short men in history. His reign of power was such that his main depression in life was that he could not achieve immortality. He spent a significant time consulting shamans and trying to find some kind of 'elixer' which could make him live forever, as he was not sufficiently content with conquering half of the world and impregnating possibly thousands of women.

Ike Ibeabuchi - Whilst most people instantly imagine Mike Tyson when thinking of a crazed heavyweight boxer, Ike was a respective alternative (don't we all love knowing of an alternative to the standard?). Standing at 6"4' and with a herculian physique, he remained undefeated but would become insane during the later part of his career, believing, amongst other things, that he was THE president(??). His mental deterioration did not require a psychological assessment any more than it did a quick viewing of his close and extremely brutal fight with David Tua, regarded by many to be a classic. Although correlation doesn't mean causation, he just so happened to have developed symptoms after a fight wherein he took hundreds of power punches to the head. Mike 'I'll eat your children' Tyson versus Ike 'I am seeing demons' Ibeabuchi remains a fantasy fight of the highest order.

Angelina Jolie - She has long maintained her image as the sexy hollywood sweatheart. But behind her on screen performances I sensed a more sinister character. Indeed, my instincts were confirmed when I read about her younger years and how erratic and highly psychopathic she was. For instance, in her earlier relationships she would cut her scared boyfriend with a knife. All I want to say here is that if you had done that to me, Angelina, I would have joyfully cut you right back, and thrown you around the room, and possibly even punched you in the eye before tapping that psychopathic ass of yours.

Cam'ron - Cam'ron AKA Killa Kam is a rapper hailing out of Harlem, New York. He was the leader of the rap group 'The Diplomats' AKA Dipset and is to be noted for his laid back and comedic rapping style, as well as having personally coined the phrase 'no homo' (which has since gone global). He was also fashionably brazen and was noted for his use of pink furr.

Stanley Kubrick - In a few words, a film director who we can objectively say was ahead of his time, possibly by a generational margin. Few can deny the brilliance of his works, which continue to impress modern viewers even today.

So there we have it. Those are my six. Who knows how they may have interacted in this fictional dinner party. Would they have attempted a conversation, however difficult, or would they have simply sat there, and eaten their food, like in some kind of dazed, post humanistic trance, sort of like the ending scene of 2001: A Space Odyssey. We can only imagine.

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